“Forgive and forget” sounds noble, but in reality, it’s often just a silencing tool. It tells people to erase their own pain, minimize their wounds, and pretend betrayal didn’t happen—all for the comfort of others.
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But here’s the truth: forgetting is not healing. Forgetting is self-abandonment. When I’m told to forgive and forget, what I actually hear is, “Your pain doesn’t matter. Your boundaries don’t matter. Just swallow it, stay quiet, and keep the peace.”
Forgiveness, when it’s real, is my choice—not an obligation, not a demand. And it never requires me to erase what happened. Remembering is how I learn. Remembering is how I protect myself from repeating the same cycle. Forgetting is how abusers thrive.
True healing doesn’t mean pretending I wasn’t hurt. It means acknowledging the wound, understanding its impact, and deciding what I need to move forward—whether that’s setting boundaries, creating distance, or cutting ties completely.
“Forgive and forget” benefits the one who caused harm, not the one who lived through it. My healing will not be rushed, packaged neatly, or defined by anyone else’s comfort.
I don’t forget, because my scars tell a story. I don’t forget, because my memory is my armor. And I don’t forgive just because someone else thinks I should.
My peace comes not from erasing the past, but from honoring it, learning from it, and refusing to let it control me. That’s not bitterness—that’s strength. That’s freedom.